My head is spinning and I can’t feel my feet beneath me
So much uncertainty, scrutiny, and microscopes
How will I get through?
Thoughts ruminate and take over decision making
Thoughts into action for the lack of a prefrontal cortex
Have I not sacrificed enough?
I flush with excitement and impenetrable terror
When the unknown is to be faced.
Where the rollercoaster never ends and unpredictability is like a high.
What is great hospitality if not a mask for the damned?
To put on a show for this audience–my audience–
Is that not my purpose?
The lights have never flickered in this dim room
I wonder if it has ever felt a ray of sun beaming through those windows.
Where you can check in, but you don’t want to stay.
The one extended stay you cannot depart from
The one inescapable vacation of misery
Will I know who I am after this?
The lights have never flickered in this dim room
Dust bunnies bounce from the light ray, and I smile.
The desperate attempt to comprehend this never ending cycle–
Is this… the pinnacle of my existence?
Where you can check in but every sight saddens you
Where you are at the mercy of the universe to extend you kindness,
Where you have no control
This is Hotel Reality.
Where the water is warm, yet you have no choice but to drown.
So much uncertainty, scrutiny, and microscopes
How will I get through?
Thoughts ruminate and take over decision making
Thoughts into action for the lack of a prefrontal cortex
Have I not sacrificed enough?
I flush with excitement and impenetrable terror
When the unknown is to be faced.
Where the rollercoaster never ends and unpredictability is like a high.
What is great hospitality if not a mask for the damned?
To put on a show for this audience–my audience–
Is that not my purpose?
The lights have never flickered in this dim room
I wonder if it has ever felt a ray of sun beaming through those windows.
Where you can check in, but you don’t want to stay.
The one extended stay you cannot depart from
The one inescapable vacation of misery
Will I know who I am after this?
The lights have never flickered in this dim room
Dust bunnies bounce from the light ray, and I smile.
The desperate attempt to comprehend this never ending cycle–
Is this… the pinnacle of my existence?
Where you can check in but every sight saddens you
Where you are at the mercy of the universe to extend you kindness,
Where you have no control
This is Hotel Reality.
Where the water is warm, yet you have no choice but to drown.
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About the Author
Niyara Gray is a second-year student pursuing a BS in English Literature, and wrote this poem in February of 2023. As she reflected on the inspiration of this poem, nothing came to mind as it can’t be tied to a particular event. It reads as a quiet reminder that the callousness of life is inescapable and sometimes succumbing to unstoppable forces is the only option. She hopes that this piece will sit deeply with every reader, finding warmth in its honesty, and taking pride in the resilience it reflects in each of them. |